Saturday, September 01, 2007 thinking and thinking...........am i doing the right thing??.........
why guys after thay did a mistake...they will do it again??............
they say "i promise i will not do it"....but 2 days later they will do it again...
they dont like when we start sms-ing with guys...but them on the other hand can msged with their female classmates........so is that called fairness.....?
to me its totally unfair! i do not noe why i am bekaving like this but...
do u think im am being fair or am i just too much?
i have this thinking everytime when this thing happen...
i just dun understand why they can msg such a lovey dovey msgs...or even sent sweet talking msgs to the classmates or school mates...but when it comes to their own gfs or fiancee, they dont msg like that.....
u guys noe i love to be loved. but i am not being loved since i give birth to my daughter. the sweet msgs, the lovey dovey msgs are all gone ....even if i start stroking his hands he will push away, i stroke my fingers on his neck he say its ticklish..(isnt that suppose to be ticklish and further more u should like the feeling when being tickled by ur loved one.) u see what i mean....it really turned me off'!
no more sweet kisses on the forehead.....no more holding hands or hugs......sometimes i really want to starve myself to hunger so that he will feel the pain that im going thru.....he always say
im fat, im too heavy for his bike......im very sensitive with this kind of remarks.....should i or should i not do it......i really really hate myself right now................
i hate myself
i hate myself
i hate myself
i hate myself
i hate myself
i can be happy in front f my friends...but when i go home im a totally different person.....im a GEMINI....split personality....but pls do not ask me anything.......i rather keep it to myself and just live with it...
i mean he is a good and responsible person.......but this kind of problems can be solved .....but i think the prob lies with me la.......i am just sooooooooooooooooooooo fucking fat that MAYBE he is too ashamed to declare i am his fiance.........may be thats the reason i really do not noe........
i want him to have that feeling " im soooo scared to lose u" or i do not want to lose u .....
ok i am not depressed now.....i think tooo much!!!
i just hate myself totally!!!!!!!
i feel like taking a knife and just slash my ugly fcuking face and body!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sue camden 